Familiar Diversions
I'm a librarian who loves anime, manga, and reading a wide variety of genres.
Currently reading
Reading progress update: I've read 22 out of 260 pages.
I have anxiety. I've never sought a diagnosis or gotten treatment, although I've had times when I've thought I should (generally when I'm least able to - fun, right?). Right now I'm dealing with two specific known triggers: driving (on routes I'm unfamiliar with and/or on highways with heavy traffic), and talking to strangers for an extended period of time.
As far as the former goes, my goal is to be able to drive to and from the airport without feeling like I will die. I know it's doable - I managed it with the 2+ hour drive to my sister's when she lived closer to me, and it eventually got easier. For the airport driving, I plan to practice under as low stress conditions as I can arrange, with as much preparation as I can manage, but I still need to actually do it.
As far as the latter goes, well, my next new employee is starting on Monday. With the first one, I spent the first two or three weeks of her training managing well enough on the weekdays and then dissolving into a panic attack that took over all of Saturday and sometimes left me unable to leave my apartment even to go grocery shopping. I was always convinced I'd have to take a sick day on Monday, but instead I'd somehow be fine. The only thing I've been able to think of that might prevent the same issues this time around is maybe taking a little time off at some point in the middle of each week, for the next two or three weeks. In practice, that might be difficult to manage.
So now I'm reading a book by someone who's struggled with anxiety. There's some overlap in our experiences, although Petersen's "not functioning" period went on much longer than my Saturdays. But that feeling that you will die that seems to come out of nowhere? Yeah, I know that. This also resonated with me:
"Avoidance fuels anxiety in a vicious cycle. By steering clear of the things I was afraid of, I never got a chance to learn that what I feared most - dying, going crazy - wouldn't actually happen. The not knowing made me even more anxious." (17)
Although I'm reminded of a few times when I realized that my anxiety can make it difficult to tell the difference between valid fears and ones I've built up in my head. Case in point, terrible weather and driving. Is the snow/ice/flooding/whatever actually bad enough that most drivers would avoid going out, or am I just trying to come up with a reason to avoid doing the drive? I went through this several times prior to heading out to my sister's place.
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